My 38th birthday!

What else is in November...

My birthday!

My birthday!

It is my birthday!

This is my diet crushing MONTE CRISTO!

It wasn't on the breakfast menu,

but it's MY BIRTHDAY!

I get it when I want it!

This is my favorite sandwich.

Richard's plate sized country fried steak!

Again, not breakfast you say?

Then why did they put hash browns on the side?

Plus, we are happy.

The blood is just flowing way to freely in our veins.

When there is a wagon wheel for a chandelier,

you know you are at my kind of place.

The kind that makes your blood pressure go up just ordering.

The kind of place that suggests 

chocolate milk for the adults and kids.

The kind of place that you feel like you should say,

"Large Marge sent me."

Colette is such a tween.

Cora is as innocent as they come!

Next stop was IKEA for my favorite shopping experience.

SKY'S THE LIMIT!

(except for that budget that Richard kept mentioning)

"Thanks for the suggestion, Honey!"

We stopped for the Macey's Birthday ICE CREAM CONE!

ANOTHER DIET CRUSHING TREAT!

When you have to hold your cone in a cup?

YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT!

Then we hit a cool game board store...

Del Taco for dinner...

And I'm a lucky girl!

We even stayed the night with my darling friend Betsey Holley!

The Holleys are serving as mission president in Utah.

With all those extra bunk beds we each had our own!

I received so many texts, cards, gifts and well wishes.

Everyone is so thoughtful to remember.

11/11 is a lucky day.
Everyone remembers.

It was a wonderful day being spoiled by my family.

Especially my sweet husband.

So what was it like being 37?

Let me tell you, I'm kind of glad to see that year go.

It was the worst of times,

so now I could feel the best of times.

We are told not to run faster than we have strength.

Now I know how fast that is for me.

I had a breakdown.

Mid-life crisis.

Nervous collapse.

Mental exhaustion.

Booby trapped.

Whatever you want to call it.

I'll be intentionally vague here and just say,

I needed to fall apart 

so that I could put myself back together 

the way I wanted to be. 

I felt everyone assumed the very worst of me.

I was a slave to insecurity, 

resentment, 

anxiety, 

criticism

and fear.

The more I was around people,

the lonelier I felt.

No one wanted to hear the truth.

No one cared about me that much.

I was at toxic levels of negativity.

But now I've had to let it all go.

If you don't know how that works,

let me tell you,

you can't do it alone.

It involves our Savior, Jesus Christ.

And a compassionate husband.

Who happens to understand exactly how you feel,

and is going through it with you.

I feel free

and happier than I've felt for a long time.

Sometimes I twirl for no good reason.

I know my limitations now.

That's a gift.

In the spirit of honesty and sharing,

let me tell you some honest things about myself right now.

My favorite movie:

The Magic of Ordinary Days

(HALLMARK)

I can't believe how much I love this Hallmark movie!

I could watch it everyday.

I must be middle aged.

Richard calls it the gateway movie,

and he's afraid I'll get sucked into more of them.

Especially at Christmas time.

I'm open to suggestions...

Favorite book:

The Count of Monte Cristo

Not just a great sandwich.

I would never knowingly act in vengeance against

some of the people who have hurt me,

but it feels SOOOOOOO good 

to read about someone else doing it!

And he gets them good!

Don't watch the movie.

Read the book.

Unabridged.

We're adults.

Favorite Song:

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

The Beatles

According to Amazon Music, 

that's the song I played the most this year.

Kinda revealing, isn't it?

Favorite show:

Time Team

Archeology ROCKS!

I wish I would have learned about stuff like this,

I don't know,

when I was ACTUALLY IN SCHOOL!

Still, it's never too late.

Maybe I'll be an archeologist when I grow up.

Favorite person:

Richard

He is the ONLY person on this Earth who understand me.

The only person who really cares, all the time.

If you could only feel what he means to me.

The hardest part of this year was

when I finally asked--begged--for help 

with how I was honestly feeling,

not everyone accepted it.

(I was right when I said not everyone wanted to hear it)

I felt ghosted by a lot of people.

But I'm weirdly glad,

because it has revealed the stark truth

of who I can count on, and who I can't.

(I love you, Dad)

It has made my bond to Richard that much stronger.

Because he is always there.

He is all I need.

He accepts and loves every side of me.

He defends me 

even when he doesn't always agree with me.

What else could I ask for?

I hope I can be a spouse like that.

Favorite experience of the year:

The Hiawatha Trail

I can't believe we rode that far

down the mountains of Idaho as a family.

I felt so much healing,

so much freedom,

and so much closeness with my family,

and my Creator.

After that, I feel like I could do anything.

Except the tree pose in yoga.

&$#!

Favorite scripture story:

Reading the D&C has struck me how forgiving 

the Prophet Joseph was.

In contrast to Edmund Dantes, 

he exhibited forgiveness at every turn.

He was aware of his own mortal nature,

and the frailties of others,

while also being in association

with perfect angelic beings.

What a conflicting experience that must have been.

A person can only do that 

when they allow the experience of Christ's Atonement

to permeate every aspect of their life.

He really was a man of God.

He really was Christ's dear friend.

My mantra for my 38th year is Hope.

Hope that everything really will be ok.

Hope that people can be at their best.

Hope that the Atonement can do what He says it will do.

Hope in myself.

This was a lot for me to say.

Thanks for reading.

I hope you understand.

My birthday was unforgettable!